Q: Okay my sister recently(about 3 weeks ago) told her bf to move out. They have one child together and my sister's son, 8, lives there. He is from a previous relationship. That same week she told her bf to leave she was already dating a new guy, who might i add she had been texting and talking to through myspace since february. I will also add that this was one of her ex's best friends. He asked her out. That tells me he is a jerk for betraying his friend and for approaching a woman who had just gotten out of a 4 year relationship and had a child with that man. The week after that, she spent the night with him. I will also add that he dated one of my sister's best friends like 3 months ago and was having sex with her. Everyday she comes home she sits in her car for a good 5 min texting, comes in completely ignores me and her 3 yr old daughter gets on myspace, texting and completely ignores everything going on around her. This is everyday. She goes out every friday and saturday. Has my mom keep her kids every wed. night until about 8. So you can see how much time she spends with them. And when she is with them she is on myspace or texting and then yells at them when they act up for attention. The other day the kids got into a fight and her son scratched the 2 yr old because she punched him. This was her parenting. She called him a MotherF**ker told him she was going to F**k him up if he ever scratched her again. Then the little girl did something like rip a piece of paper, just a blank sheet of paper and she called her a F**cking L**tle B*tch and sent her to her room. Not to mention she treats all of us like that. She is 30 yrs. old by the way. I can't take it. She is such a mean person with a horrible temper. Also i keep her daughter 5 days a week from 7:30am till 5:00pm so that she can work. I am a full time college student and I am engaged. So if that right there isn't enough stress!! This semester i had to only take 2 classes so that i could help her out.Last year when i took my usual full time i failed 2 of my classes and had to drop because i never had time to read or get my homework done because i was always keeping her kids. It is worse now because she is single. Because i love my neice and nephew and i don't want to see them in a daycare being ignored all day. However i can't keep doing this. I have to dedicate myself to my college more. My grades are suffering from it. I do not have kids, i am not the one who got pregnant. Yet i am being more of a mom than she has ever been to either one of them. Also within the 8 years her son has been alive she has NEVER just gone and spent the day with him. Like take him to see a movie or the library. It has always been me or my mom. What do I do. I am not ready to be a mom, I want to go to school and get a good job and start my own family. The stress is killing me. Oh also she can't even afford her rent and she applied for a credit card to get a boob job and a tummy tuck, her kids need medical attention, they are on medicaid but i figure if she can get a credit card for unessesary surgery she could get the card to atleast get off of food stamps. Please help, advice. if you are not here to give me valid advice just don't bother answering. This is serious, i love these kids and don't know what to do. I don't need anymore immature people than i am already surrounded by. Especially this 30year old woman who can't even be a mom.
A: It sounds like your mom is her crutch and you have become one as well. As sad as this sounds your niece and nephew at least get a break from the violence/anger from 7:30 til 5:00pm. There is no book out there that can tell anyone how to parent. It sounds like she is very stressed herself and lacks total regard for her family. Maybe you and your mother can team up together and have a sit down talk with your sister. Try to make it non-confrontational and pose it more as what can we do to help you. Don't insult her mothering skills, but try to take it in the course of being proactive. If the kids are on medicaid, then try to get them into the doctor. You will have to make a decision for yourself to move on with your life, otherwise you'll become a bitter person. I commend you for taking on such responsibility and for caring as much as you do--we need more people like you in this world.