Q: My step-son's mother tells him that I am not his step-mother. This didn't happen until I had a daughter with my husband. What should I do about this because he believes his mom and I don't want to tell him that she is lying? By the way the child is 6.
A: Grab your husband and you two sit down with this child. Explain what a step parent IS. Tell him that his mom may not know what it really means and might be mistaken, or explain that she's mad at daddy and might say some things that aren't nice. But it's ok, you love him anyway. Then have the father explain that the home you are living in is your husbands and your home. That you two are the adults and the one who makes the rules no matter what anyone else says. Have your husband explain that no matter what his real mom says, he still has to mind you when he is in your home. Tell him if not, than there will be punishment. This should stop any confusion on the child's part. He'll understand the ground rules and know he can't get away with it in your home. His dad (his mom can't deny his title) will have laid down the law and he'll follow it. Don't judge the mom, you haven't walked in her shoes. It's a stinky situation. I have had many friends who were wonderful people, wonderful friends, wonderful mothers and when it came to the step mom, acted in ways that blew my mind. They normally come around though. Don't push yourself on her. Don't try to be friends, but always try to be decent to her. There are two sides to each divorce. Let me let you in on a big secret. Your husband was half to blame for that divorce and for the marriage going badly! NO matter what he says, no matter how many people agree with him that he was the good guy. He was half to blame. Just as she was half to blame. It takes two in each marriage. We all want to be blameless or make the other one seem worse off. But the truth is there are two people in the relationship. That step son may also be pulling crap of his own. I know he is only 6, but it doesn't make him exempt for trying things. You get a classroom of 6 year olds and they'll learn some bad behaviors quickly off of each other. He may be looking for a way to not mind you. Any way around it, don't fret it. Handle it. Well, have your husband handle it while you are there backing it up.