Q: I've been hurt in the past, I became a single mother at the age of 17, and I have met who i believe to be the Man of my DREAMS!! He absolutely loves me and my daughter, and he tells me so, he says he wants to marry me and he had a dream about us being married, having another child, and he was playing basketball with my daughter who was calling him Daddy. He said that this was the best dream he had ever had, we have been dating for almost a year, and he said out of the blue one day that if we were ever to get pregnant (accidentally) that he would he happy and excited and not the slightest bit upset. Of course this thrills me, I love him soo much!! We are so perfect for eachother!! My problem is, when he starts to mention marriage and more children i panic and say things like "I don't think i'll ever get married" or "dont talk about us getting married when you haven't even asked me if i wanted to get married! and i am not saying i want to get married, we are not even close to ready for that!" and when he talks about more kids i say "i dont want anymore kids, not right now, i would be really upset if i were pregnant again, i cannot do it again by myself" When in reality, i really want to marry him, and i really want to have more kids with him!! The thing is, i want my daughter to start calling him daddy before we have more kids, because i dont want her to call him "max" and only her siblings to call him daddy, its just not fair to her. What should i do to make myself stop freaking out and just relax with him... or should i not trust him?
A: Wow...this sounds like my story from years ago. I was also 17 but I had a son. I met the man of my dreams and we went through everything you are going through. Almost to a T! It's probably hard to trust some people because of the fact you have been hurt in the past and you are probably still healing. This is normal. You do need to learn how to trust people again though and realise that not all people are nasty warthogs who are out to get you...(this is how I used to feel) When you panic and say things like ''don't talk about us being married'' this is a way of sheilding yourself. You have had to protect yourself and your daughter. Now is the time to trust and be true to yourself, your daughter and your man! Don't freak out. If you are worried about the affects this may or may not have on your daughter, don't. This man wants to be a part of both of your lives and you want him to be too. Just because you have a daughter to care for (this is of the up most importance) it doesn't mean you shouldn't be happy too. He sounds like he would be a wonderful role model for your daughter. Men like him are very special. Hunny, he wants to be with you and accepts your daughter and if her calling him daddy doesn't freak him out, then nothing will. If he's anything like my man, he's in for the long haul. He knows what he's getting himself into so girl, let things happen. I know's hard believe me but if he's half the man you've said he is then you and your daughter are 2 very lucky girls. He's a keeper. Go for it :)